You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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