I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
