At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
