i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
