12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
