The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need a beard to bite.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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