I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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