By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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