You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
