You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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