He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
