Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
