Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
