i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
