So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
