cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
