How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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