I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
