Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
