You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
