I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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