found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
