I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
