also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
