i don't like sucking hair
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was like eating out sand paper
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
