just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
