his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
