So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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