my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
