ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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