5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
