"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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