Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
