I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
