Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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