You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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