I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fuck appropriateness.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
