i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
