im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
