how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
