im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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