Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
