I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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