girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize