No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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