I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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