Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
