sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
