bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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