I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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