Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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