$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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