I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
