Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The convent might be a nice break from real life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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