Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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