Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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