last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
