cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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