my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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