Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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