My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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