i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
