Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
