it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
