Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
