I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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