I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
