is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
