i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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