I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
