I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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