Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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