your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
